my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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