I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
