Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
