is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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