I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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