I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
vagina is talking i cant
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
