So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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