I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i black out too much to be "responsible"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize