he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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