She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
