Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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