Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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