i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
