This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How's work?
Spinning.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
