I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
