dude i'm inner monologue high
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Found your dick twin last night
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
