a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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