I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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