dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
