I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
