i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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