Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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