Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
