Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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