**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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