so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
