Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
