I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
