Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
