He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
