She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
