Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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