I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I lost the right to judge tonight
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
