I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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