Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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