Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
