If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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