we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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