I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
