You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The adults are the big ones right?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
