there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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