if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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