White coat. Heels.
I'm really into asian looking animals
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
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