Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
