my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
