Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize