I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
