You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
