yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
