I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
