What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
