the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
