he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
