Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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