So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
