her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
