Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
