It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
