I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
