I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
