I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
