What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
