I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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