And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
