It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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