He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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