FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
