woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I think I am morally bankrupt
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
