Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
