We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i wish my penis had a tongue
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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