I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
