they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
