Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
