And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
